It can be a bittersweet irony that opposites attract because the very "spark" that draws people together, often provides the breeding ground for future conflict.  Over time, communication problems, misunderstandings, confusion over intentions and emotions can grow into sexual insecurities and incompatibility. 

Sexual incompatibility can shatter relationships. A solution to the problem can be found in behavior modification which can create a less extreme environment and allows for balance between intimacy and distance.

Hypnosis can be useful to modify, relearn or reframe perceptions to facilitate greater compatibility. This improved compatibility can increase the joy of sex and may even save a relationship.

How Can Hypnotism Help?
Sexual problems that benefit by enhancing self esteem and confidence are prime candidates for success with hypnosis; by facilitating change and allowing for the release of negative or limiting habits and associated ideas and by identifying triggers that summon negative behavior or feelings; and by learning to manage the internal processing of hurt feelings, anger and stress. 

Most sexual problems have a strong psychological component, hence hypnotism can be a method to overcome anorgasmia, impotence and premature ejaculation.   Changing the way the subconscious responds can produce dramatic results.  Hypnotism, as part of a multimodal approach that includes medical treatment and/or psychological treatment is the right choice.

By freeing the client from worries, distractions, negative emotions and/or other disturbances, they become able to develop a heightened or focused state of awareness.  In addition to direct suggestion, the use of hypnotic regression techniques can be valuable in locating the source(s) of problems. 

Click here for a listing of sexual problems according to, and as summarized by the American Psychiatric Association, (1994).

Trance:  Where imagination and emotion intersect
There is an affinity between great sex and trance.  If you think about it, great sex is a trance, an erotic trance. There are similarities between trance (hypnosis) and satisfying sex.  Effective hypnosis involves intense focus and concentration and a strong response to suggestion.  When a sexual experience is at its best, there is also intense focus and concentration and there is a strong response to suggestion and stimulation.  Orgasm may well be the ultimate trance.  In both the orgasmic state and the profound trance state, powerful mind/body and even spiritual connections and sensations are concentrated to the point where all other thought, emotion, feelings and sensations are seemingly obliterated from the mind. When you think about it, the "state" of orgasm is it's very own state of mind.

Sexuality & Hypnosis:
Besides being highly useful in overcoming sexual problems that are psychosomatic in nature, hypnosis is also a beautiful way for two consenting adults to explore and enhance their level of intimacy as well as the intensity of their sexual relationship. 

There's evidence supporting the theory that both sexuality and hypnosis are derived from the same biological substrate for social intimacy. That waking and/or hypnotic suggestion works because it makes particular use of evolved human capacity to synchronize our body rhythms in intimate communication, which is, to say the least, also a highly receptive and cooperative process. It is less suggestion 'programming' of an unaware mind; and more hypnotic suggestion evoking cooperation through imaginative appeal.

The evidence for it is based, in part, upon the comparison of physical responses to hypnotic suggestion, with our visceral responses to poetry (which includes rhythmic and compelling use of language as well), and observing how rapport develops in hypnosis compared to other intimate communications.

The same underlying processes that help us synchronize with each other in sexual intimacy are also present in creating hypnotic rapport, hence the same or similar factors lighten or deepen both forms of rapport. 

You can read about fascinating areas of convergence between sex research by (Mosher), and views on hypnotic trance in 'The Hypnotic Brain' by Peter Brown.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION

Anorgasmia
Orgasmic dysfunction is an inhibition of the orgasmic phase of the sexual response cycle. The condition is referred to as primary when a female has never experienced orgasm through any means of stimulation. The problem is called secondary if the woman has attained orgasm in the past but is currently nonorgasmic. 

Primary orgasmic dysfunction, wherein the woman has never experienced an orgasm, appears to characterize about 10% to 15% of women. Surveys generally suggest that somewhere between 33% to 50% of women experience orgasm infrequently and are dissatisfied with how often they reach orgasm. Performance anxiety is believed to be the most common cause of orgasm problems, and 90% or more of orgasm problems appear to be psychogenic (non organic) in nature. 

Some drugs may sedate and impair orgasmic responsiveness, including alcohol. Infrequently, medical conditions that affect the nerve supply to the pelvis (such as multiple sclerosis, diabetic neuropathy, and spinal cord injury), hormone disorders, and chronic illnesses that affect general sexual interest and health may be factors. Negative attitudes toward sex in childhood may inhibit responsiveness, as may unresolved feelings associated with experiences of sexual abuse or rape. In situations where the woman used to reach orgasm regularly, but is not reaching orgasm currently, the problem may be related to marital strife and lack of emotional closeness, which may also cause low sexual desire. Boredom and monotony in sexual activity may also contribute to secondary anorgasmia. 

When enjoyment does not accompany sex, it can become a chore rather than a mutually satisfying, playful, and intimate experience. When anorgasmia persists, sexual desire usually declines, sexual frequency wanes, and this may create resentments and conflicts in the relationship.
 

Impotence

Impotence is the inability to attain and maintain a penile erection. It relates to the erectile capability of the penis but not problems of libido, ejaculation and orgasm. It is the persistent or recurrent inability to attain or maintain an erection sufficient to complete sexual intercourse or another chosen sexual activity.

Impotence tends to affect older men, that is younger men rarely find maintaining an erection a problem and if they do, most of the time the problem is not psychological. Stress or fatigue can also reduce a man's sexual libido therefore inhibiting him from gaining an erection. And this is where people get these two different issues confused.

Impotence affects at least one in every ten men. Unfortunately, only about 10% of sufferers actually receive treatment.

Causes of Impotence:
At some point in life, every man experiences the occasional failure to attain or maintain an erection. This usually results from stress, tiredness, anxiety, or excessive alcohol consumption. This is nothing to worry about. However, worrying about it may set the scene for a more persistent problem due to "fear of failure". The man becomes so preoccupied with previous erectile failure that he is unable to enjoy the arousal feelings associated with sexual stimulation. And this, in turn, decreases his sexual arousal and stops erection from occurring.

Until about 20 years ago, erectile dysfunction was considered to be caused almost entirely by psychological factors it is now believed that physical conditions are present in about 75% of male sufferers. However, the majority of men with erectile dysfunction experience a combination of psychological and physical causes.

Physical Causes:
Men whose erectile dysfunction is of a physical origin often experience a gradual onset of erectile failure which tends to occur with all sexual activities. Physical causes of erectile dysfunction include: deficient blood flow to the penis such as resulting from blocked arteries excessive drainage of blood from the penis, damage or diseases affecting the nerves that go to or from the penis hormone abnormalities side effect of prescribed drugs, alcoholism and drug abuse, diabetes, heavy smoking high cholesterol, diseases affecting the erectile tissue of the penis, neurological diseases, stroke, severe chronic diseases such as kidney and liver failure. 

Psychological Causes:
An erectile dysfunction with a sudden onset in men who can achieve erections under some circumstances but not others suggest a psychological cause. Sometimes the triggering factor can be easily identified such as a serious disagreement with the partner; being interrupted while making love or excessive worry at work. Psychological causes of erectile dysfunction include: stress and anxiety from work or home, marital conflicts and dissatisfaction, depression, sexual boredom, unresolved sexual orientation.

Signs Of Impotence:
A man who is experiencing impotence often feels embarrassed and guilty that he finds it difficult to talk about the situation, even with his partner. Instead, he may manipulate events so that he avoids situations in which sexual intercourse may occur. 

Common examples of this include staying up late at night, so that his partner is asleep before he goes to bed, or working longer hours than usual at work, so that he is tired in the evenings, goes to bed earlier than his partner, and is asleep when she retires to bed. Another often-used play is to invite friends and relatives to the house frequently, so as to reduce the amount of ‘private’ time he has with his partner. He may also start going out more during the day, again to ensure that he is not available if his partner wants to approach him sexually. And of course, men can have the avoidance ‘headache’ when it comes to sex, just as women traditionally do.

These are all normal responses to the problem, but they can all make the problem worse. When the man can attain an erection but has doubts about maintaining it during sexual intercourse, he may reduce the time spent in foreplay and may ejaculate soon after penetration, before he loses his erection.

Possible Effects On Relationships:
A woman sometimes reacts to the previously described behavior by trying to be more attractive and behaves more sexually to try to ‘win’ her man back. Obviously, this can make the situation worse as it will put more pressure on the man and he may then take more extensive steps to avoid physical contact with his partner, a reaction that will probably reinforce the woman's mistaken idea that he is having an affair.

Some women feel responsible for the problem when her partner is having problems with erections: "It must be my fault he is having a problem. Perhaps I’m no longer sexually attractive to him"; "Perhaps I'm not sexy enough and he's lost interest". Other women feel physically rejected, unsatisfied and resentful, feelings that can easily extend to other areas of their lives leading to arguments and bickering, often about trivial things. When a man can get an erection but loses it soon after penetration, some women actually blame themselves by thinking that their vaginas are too large to stimulate the penis sufficiently.

Smoking And Impotence:
Smoking cigarettes can significantly reduce the quality of a man's erection and is recognized to be a contributory factor in many cases of impotence. This is because smoking - and nicotine in particular - affects the circulatory system, impairing the efficient blood flow in the blood vessels - including those in the penis. 

Several research studies have concluded that a man who smokes is more likely to develop impotence than a non-smoker. It also concludes that a smoker, diagnosed as impotent, is sometimes more difficult to treat than a non-smoker. This is because smoking increases the likelihood of developing abnormalities in the blood cells in the penis. 

Corrective Measures:
The good news is the majority of sufferers can now be treated effectively. Some lifestyle changes are worth considering before medical advice is sought. These include quitting smoking, reducing alcohol intake and reducing stress and anxiety (all of which can be assisted with hypnosis). If such changes do not solve the problem, then the man should seek medical advice. There have been tremendous advances in the medical treatment of impotence.

Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual problems. The condition is most often described as being an inability to delay ejaculation to a point when it is mutually desirable for both partners. The definition of when ejaculation is premature is subjective. While some men have trouble controlling their orgasm upon entry, others consider 5-10 minutes of copulation too little time. How long a man is able to last is not the important factor in diagnosing premature ejaculation. The crucial issue is if a man is satisfied with the length of coitus.

What Causes It?
Premature ejaculation can be caused by drugs or certain infections such as urethritis, but popular wisdom suggests it is more psychological in nature. The exact cause of the condition, however, still remains a mystery. Premature ejaculation often occurs during the first experiences with sex, and in this case is most commonly attributed to anxiety. The majority of men gradually learn to control their orgasm, and have no lasting effect. Some men will develop a long-term anxiety toward sex, which can cause a prolonged experience with premature ejaculation.

Sexual behavior is also a factor. The longer the period since last ejaculating, the quicker young men typically reach orgasm. Younger men tend to ejaculate more quickly than older men, as experience seems to be associated with ejaculatory control. 

Consider the Masters and Johnson Method:

The best way to fighting premature ejaculation is learning how to identify and control the sensations leading up to orgasm. The Masters and Johnson method does just that. The Masters and Johnson method requires a great deal of patience and practice, but is very effective. You may want to start with masturbation. 

Begin by bringing yourself to a point relatively close to climax, and stop, allowing yourself to relax before starting again. Each time you do this, bring yourself closer and closer to orgasm until you cannot control it any longer. Repeating this procedure a number of times on different occasions will help you learn where your point of climax is. Once you have an idea about your "point of no return" you should be able to direct stimulation from your partner leading up to orgasm. 

The best way to practice this method is with a caring lover, although you can try to prepare by yourself. With your partner, engage in non-coital stimulation and gradually allow yourself to reach that point just before ejaculation. At that point, signal your partner to stop and allow yourself to partially lose your erection. Repeat these steps several times to get the hang of it. You should practice these steps for several days before you attempt intercourse. Once you are ready to try intercourse, lay on your back and direct your partner to slowly allow you to penetrate. 

As soon as you feel that you are about to climax, signal to your partner or give a gentle push upward. Relax for a bit, then begin again. You should soon be able to control your ejaculation and enjoy having sex. Although the method is extremely effective, it could take weeks before you get it just right. Remember, be patient and try not to put too much pressure on the situation. If you don’t get it the first time, shrug it off and remember that you are working towards something that takes time. 

Psychological Factors:
Fear of failure, or relationship issues, such as anger at one's partner, may have some bearing on a man's lack of ejaculatory control. There are several theories about the psychological causes for early ejaculation and each theory has its own therapeutic approach to helping the man improve his sense of control. 

However, the primary treatment of ejaculatory control is helping a man, by various techniques, to repeatedly focus his attention on the increasing erotic sensations in his body as he approaches orgasm. By increasing his awareness of the buildup of these pleasurable sensations he is better able to judge where he is along the path of reaching an orgasm and ejaculating. (Note: orgasm and ejaculation are separate events, caused by separate systems in the male's body, though they usually occur at the same time. The term orgasm is commonly used when speaking of a male's ejaculation. Technically, however, orgasm is just the peak of the intense pleasurable feeling that usually follows a man being highly sexually excited.

Ejaculation is the term used for the expulsion of seminal fluids. A man can learn to make what has felt beyond his control more understandable and controllable by focusing on the increasing erotic sensations of an impending orgasm, rather than trying to avoid feeling these sensations (by focusing on baseball scores, wearing two condoms, or applying desensitizing cream to the penis) has been proven the most successful method for assisting men and their partners in overcoming rapid ejaculation. 

Origins:
With rare exceptions, immediate ejaculation is the rule in the animal world. Man is subject to this same law of nature, but he has "civilized" the sex act by spinning it out in order to procure more pleasure.

As a result, premature ejaculation is common in young men during their first sexual encounters as an inborn, instinctive function. An inexperienced young man is unable to sense the "point of no return" as the ejaculation urge mounts. Then, little by little, or sometimes quite quickly, he learns to detect and control the surge of sexual arousal.

Unfortunately, at this stage some men find themselves unable to slow down and control the process of arousal leading to ejaculation. Far from disappearing, the problem only gets worse. Fear of the sex act, leading to disappointment on both sides, ends by turning early ejaculation into an automatic process.

There are many reasons for this. First experiences can set the tone for the future. The man's first sexual experiments may just have been a matter of satisfying curiosity or of stilling a purely sexual need; "quick fixes" bought from hurried prostitutes are poor models of performance; early sexual acts with a partner about whom you feel indifferent can also distort the experience. The problem may also be due to negative emotions, apprehension, a lack of self-confidence, fear of disappointing one's partner, relational or other psychological difficulties.  With proper help, those suffering from  premature ejaculation are not doomed to a lifetime of frustration. 
 

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CAROL DENICKER, MEMBER NGH BOARD CERTIFIED HYPNOTIST NGH INSTRUCTOR, FACULTY MEMBER CERTIFIED HYPNOBIRTHING®  PRACTITIONER PRESIDENT, LI-NGH 2007 NGH MEMBER OF THE YEAR 2008 INDUCTED INTO ORDER OF BRAID COUNCIL NEW YORK HYPNOSIS TRAINING CENTER USUI & KARUNA REIKI MASTER